Dreading Christmas

“It’s that most wonderful time of the year…..” and to be honest that’s the way I’ve always felt about Christmas. As a child I would eagerly count down the days of December by opening my advent window each morning, waiting for Christmas Eve, then being so excited I couldn’t get to sleep. As I got older I revelled in the excitement of Christmas even more and loved choosing the perfect gift for my friends and family.
After I was married and had JR, followed a few years later by TP and then LA my Childhood excitement returned the joy of waiting eagerly to see if Santa would arrive, of course he would because I had lovingly trawled the shops and the internet for their perfect gifts. I couldn’t wait to see their little faces on Christmas morning, and hear all the laughter and giggles, and also silly as it sounds hear the arguments at Christmas lunch over who hadn’t eaten enough dinner or who had eaten enough to leave the table and go and play.
In May last year me and The Tiny 3’s dad separated, and one of the knock on effects of that was we’d no longer have a family Christmas, well not as we’d known it before anyway. We had to decide where the tiny 3 would wake up on Christmas morning, and who would have Christmas with them on Boxing Day. We first all took the decision that Christmases would be alternated, whoever had them Christmas Eve and Christmas morning one year would have them Christmas afternoon and Boxing Day the next year. It was then decided that The Tiny 3 would wake up with me on Christmas Day in their main home, as they’d had a lot of upheaval to deal with over the months previously, me and their Dad then decided that they would go to his house late afternoon until the 28th December giving him a few days with them. However on the night before Christmas that changed and their Dad announced that he wouldn’t be getting them until the evening as he wanted to see his new girlfriend for a few hours first.
I didn’t mind as it meant that I got more time with them and that they’d be able to visit my Grandparent’s with me, it was also decided that as he’d wanted the change not me the arrangement would stay the same for this year and I could get them late afternoon as agreed. However he’s gone back on his word and now isn’t allowing me to see or speak to my children until the evening on Christmas Day, and I am dreading it I really am – Christmas is a time for family and I really feel that I am being denied mine. Last year I didn’t deny him any time with his children and even invited him round to see them open their presents, and to have Christmas lunch, but he didn’t want any of it, he wanted to see his girlfriend.
Maybe by wanting to see the Children sooner I’m being selfish who knows, but I guess I just need to make the most of what I have, a Christmas on Boxing Day!

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