I’m The Mom You Tutted At – An Open Letter


I don’t know your name so I can’t start with ‘dear’ – so I’ll just say ‘hi.’

I have waited a few days to send this: pondered whether or not to blog about what you did. After much deliberation I have decided that this needs to be said, heard, written and read.

You walked past TP and me on Wednesday when we were walking home from nursery. LA and I were wearing hats, scarves and winter coats. TP was wearing only his school uniform: no hat, scarf, gloves – not even a coat.

You were with another lady – both of you as well wrapped up as LA and I were. You tutted and rather loudly commented to each other: you couldn’t believe how stupid I was to let my son walk home like that. Obviously I was an uncaring and unfit mother.

I heard every word you said. I bit my tongue and I fought back the tears. Was that what everyone thought about me?

What you didn’t know was that my son was hot. My son, you see, has a sensory disorder. In the winter he’s hot and in the summer he’s cold. In the winter I have a constant battle to make him keep his coat on: in the summer it’s the opposite battle.

So I’m sorry. You’ll probably see us in the summer and you’ll tut loudly again. There’s that unfit mother making her son wear a coat…

TP is four. He knows when he feels hot and he knows when he feels cold. So I ask you this: if you were hot, what would you do? Would you stay uncomfortable, or would you remove layers until you were cool and comfortable? My guess is that you’d remove some layers. That’s what TP was doing: cooling himself down.

It’s OK. I’m not angry with you. You didn’t know any of this. Why would you? We’re strangers. So all I ask is that next time you’re a bit more considerate: you don’t instantly judge: you don’t tut loudly and talk about another mom. You don’t know that person’s situation: you haven’t got the whole picture.

Next time, stop and think – because everything may not be as it first seems.

Next time the parent or carer you tut at, and make comments about, may not bite their tongue.


The Dad Network

41 thoughts on “I’m The Mom You Tutted At – An Open Letter

  1. People are so quick to assume they know the situation and that they have a right to judge. Sorry that happened but well done for biting your tongue – I really struggle with that haha x

  2. When my twins were one year old, a friend (without kids) attacked me for not putting a scarf on Tiny. She told me I was making her ill. She ranted at me for ages. I was always told you shouldn’t put scarves on babies as they could strangle themselves. At the time Tiny also had a fever so I had to make sure she didnt overheat. It wasn’t particularly cold out as It was spring. But she made me feel awful. I didn’t go out again for a while as it upset me so much.

  3. I feel that the human race and society has become ever more judgemental. My answer to people like the ones in your open letter is “eff ’em”

    I’m sorry these people made you feel like this, but you know your children, they don’t x

  4. Thank you so much for sharing this – I hope it was as therapeutic for you to write as it was for me to read 🙂 Thank you also for sharing about the sensory disorder as I know so little about it but will definitely be reading up now 🙂 Mim @ http://www.mamamim.com

  5. O my word this is best blog I have read in ages. Our son wears shorts all year. Last few days been in shorts, tshirt and just crocs!! How many time have we been tutted at over this winter I could not count. But I did loose plot the other Saturday, it was bitter in Harrogate. I had hat, gloves, long coat and boots on. Hubby had winter coat but no hat and gloves. Son was in shorts, crocs with NO socks and a small light weight fleece lined coat. After 3 comments loud enough. The last lady and daughter where told ‘Do you mind, he chooses to wear the shorts I am not a bad parent he has SEN needs and believe me he is not cold his hands are like little ovens.’ She walked away embarressed. We get same tuts by older generation on a Sunday morning in church. It is really annoying. Thank you for your blog. I have shared with a Think before you judge. Well written.

  6. I hate how judgemental society is! I got so angry reading this! How dare they? Did they think that you cared for one child less than the others? It’s not like you were all without coats. And even if you were… what is it to them? And even if they did choose to have an opinion, why would they feel the need to voice it to you? Not even to you, but away from you and so you could hear it. Thats worse. Grr! Well done for taking the high road.

  7. This is powerful! Everyone should read it everyone should apply the principles!
    Thanks for linking up!

    (Can you add the Linky badge please? 🙂 )

  8. How dare they! Seriously even if he didn’t have a sensory disorder it’s not for them to judge. You are his mother – if he needed his coat he would ask for it! Are they really so perfect that they have the right to judge others? They are lucky they tutted at you and not me! Big hugs xx

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