Hi
I don’t know your name so I can’t start with ‘dear’ – so I’ll just say ‘hi.’
I have waited a few days to send this: pondered whether or not to blog about what you did. After much deliberation I have decided that this needs to be said, heard, written and read.
You walked past TP and me on Wednesday when we were walking home from nursery. LA and I were wearing hats, scarves and winter coats. TP was wearing only his school uniform: no hat, scarf, gloves – not even a coat.
You were with another lady – both of you as well wrapped up as LA and I were. You tutted and rather loudly commented to each other: you couldn’t believe how stupid I was to let my son walk home like that. Obviously I was an uncaring and unfit mother.
I heard every word you said. I bit my tongue and I fought back the tears. Was that what everyone thought about me?
What you didn’t know was that my son was hot. My son, you see, has a sensory disorder. In the winter he’s hot and in the summer he’s cold. In the winter I have a constant battle to make him keep his coat on: in the summer it’s the opposite battle.
So I’m sorry. You’ll probably see us in the summer and you’ll tut loudly again. There’s that unfit mother making her son wear a coat…
TP is four. He knows when he feels hot and he knows when he feels cold. So I ask you this: if you were hot, what would you do? Would you stay uncomfortable, or would you remove layers until you were cool and comfortable? My guess is that you’d remove some layers. That’s what TP was doing: cooling himself down.
It’s OK. I’m not angry with you. You didn’t know any of this. Why would you? We’re strangers. So all I ask is that next time you’re a bit more considerate: you don’t instantly judge: you don’t tut loudly and talk about another mom. You don’t know that person’s situation: you haven’t got the whole picture.
Next time, stop and think – because everything may not be as it first seems.
Next time the parent or carer you tut at, and make comments about, may not bite their tongue.
Very well said…I have a similar thing with my girl….She doesn’t feel the cold….She has a heart problems and she feels hotter more than she should…On Friday after her school disco she walked home without her coat and cardigan on….She had a short sleeved dress on and I saw people looking and felt rubbish….She had been dancing for an hour in the hot school hall at her disco and was sweating twice as much as the other kids….
Thank you, it’s a horrible feeling when people stare isn’t it
i know it’s hard to ignore
But hold your head high
People will judge when they shouldn’t and it’s not fair
You are a good mother don’t forget that
Thank you so much for your lovely comment x
Harry doesn’t have a sensory disorder but he doesn’t feel the cold. I have never understood people who judge, particularly loudly like these women did. I’m so sorry you experienced that. xx
Thank you, I hope you never have the same experience x
Grrr I’m angry for you! I get this all the time. Albeit my health or something about the boys. Being a homeschool parent I get very rude and lid comments assuming that just because he is seen out at school time, and he looks well and happy, must automatically mean that I am a bad parent to allow them to have the day off. Well done for biting your tongue though! Very impressed! I can bite back at times which is something that I need to work on.
People do need to seriously stop and think and cast their thoughts aside and realise that they don’t know the story behind a situation.
Thanks for linking up with us on the #bigfatlinky I hope people will read this and think twice from now on!
Thank you so much for your comment, I think if I hadn’t bit my tongue I’d have started crying.
How rude. And despite your lovely manners towards those “ladies”, you are so right. One day one of them will be ignorant and rude to someone who doesn’t hold their tongue as well as you do. Shame on them. I’m so angry on your behalf.
People are so quick to judge unfortunately without knowing the facts. Why should you have to explain yourself all of the time?! Walk past with your head held high knowing that you are doing the right thing for your child – sod what everyone else thinks. I know it’s easier said than done but I think as a parent sometimes you have to have that thick skin and just walk away xx
I’ve never understood why people have to be so judgemental over other people – it’s so rude. And also if she felt that strongly about it then she should have said something to you and allowed you to respond rather than loudly muttering which is the worst response. Sorry this happened to you – I love this open letter though, so well written and explained.
Thank you so much for your lovely comment x
it isn’t just about your lad having a sensory processing order , it is about respecting the fact that your child knows when he is hot or cold. Lot’s of parents don’t even listen to their kids and force them in to coats, hats etc with no regard.
My boys get hot, they run around like loons, so think coats are a big no no
well said! and if only other people would keep their noses out! .. as a nation it seems we are all to quick to judge and its not warranted or even nice .. i am glad you held firm and sod her lovely x
Well said, it seems amazing that some people seem to think they have the right to comment on things – even without knowing the facts of the matter. x
People are so quick to pass judgement on others. Do they ever stop to think if they are all that perfect?
I’m sorry those women were so insensitive. It’s reading things like this that has helped me try and look past my first judgemental thought when I see something (usually involving children I have to admit) and remember there are unknown stories behind the situations.
I think to a certain extent we all judge things that we see others do, which is just human nature. It was the very audible way in which they did it which was upsetting to me, if they’d have asked or said something directly to me I could’ve explained or even TP could’ve explained why he wasn’t wearing a coat.
What a horrible thing to do and say! If she was truly concerned, she could have made a comment to you ‘Is he warm blooded? Doesn’t he feel the cold?’ That sort of thing. x
Wouldn’t the world be a much better place if people just kept their ill informed opinions to themselves. I had to take an unexpected trip to the hospital yesterday just as Fran’s coat was in the wash, she of course refused to wear anything but a t-shirt so I had to endure the tuts of nosey parkers who had no idea of our situation at that time. Hold your head up high and be confident that you are a fab mom who adapts to her children’s individual needs x
I do not like judgemental ignorant people at all. There is no place in life for people like that.
Hold your head up high and ignore the sad ignorant people xx
Honestly, if kids are cold they will put a coat on. If a kid isn’t waring a coat it’s because they’re not cold, not because of terrible parenting. I’m sorry that other people being so pointlessly judgey upset you x
My kids are always hot and just don’t seem to feel the cold and they often strip their coats off. My worst moment was when a teacher phoned me almost accusing me of neglect because my teenage son point blank refused to wear a coat on the way to school – he was soaked through, but he learned a harsh lesson
People are quick to judge and it is really hard to take as the parent in question – I think we have all been there at times, be it when your toddler has a wobbler in a supermarket or for more unusual reasons such as yours. We just have to ignore them and know that we are doing a good job! X
It is so horrible when people judge you so freely when they don’t know what is behind your actions, your children know you are doing a wonderful job as a parent and that is all that matters xx
Yeah, I agree. Female strangers can be so judgemental 😉
Haha! They really can be